Letter to Jared #2

TWO

My LDS upbringing wasn’t like yours.  We were always active in our Ward, but we didn’t have any Church pictures in our home, the Book of Mormon had no illustrations, and we never read scriptures as a family.  FHE was brand new for us, with no manual.  I had no Mormon friends at school in the early grades, and few even in HS.  We did have early morning seminary, but my Mormon friends weren’t necessarily my best friends.  My youth leaders weren’t the young, dynamic ward members, but sometimes misfits.

People outside the Church openly challenged me and our beliefs, sometimes with distain or pity.

I don’t know how I would have handled your upbringing.  As you mention, it’s true that I often consider my choices in light of the Gospel.  “What’s the Church’s position?” But many times I have had questions about the Church.

 

The reality is, I questioned from a very young age.  I analyzed.  I’ve mentioned a couple of examples here http://stanleyfamilymd.blogspot.com/2014/10/after-trail-of-your-faith-comes-witness.html.  I challenged my parents, my Sunday school teachers, my seminary teachers, and what I read.  My questions were endless:

How could people say the Church was true?  What did the Holy Ghost feel like?  Couldn’t a person talk themselves into “feeling” something?

If we had the Only True Church, how come there were so many Catholics—nice, happy Catholics? 

How come people in garments died in car crashes?

My friends and neighbors were non-members, so the Word of Wisdom wasn’t in their lives.  They were goodly people, so what difference did it make?

What about polygamy? 

 How come some non-Mormons were so much cooler than Mormons?

How come ________ was self-righteous?

These represent just a small sample. Gradually I found answers, but there are lots more questions.

So how did I emerge with FAITH in the Restored Gospel of Jesus Christ, with a belief that the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is, in fact, His work and His Church?

I think it’s because I was analytical.  I wouldn’t just go along or settle for anything but truthful explanations.  And after all the questioning and pondering, when the convictions came to me, they came not by academic logic and clever arguments but by a Spirit that I couldn’t deny.  I have had remarkable spiritual experiences.

You suggest that your faithful Mormon friends bear testimony out of blind obedience or because they’re cornered.  I say “we bear testimony” because we’re trying to say:  This is how I know—by the Spirit.  Our spiritual experiences are valid and to deny them feels like lying.

 

I will say this, and you can call it what you will—it is WORK to maintain a testimony.  It’s lifelong work.  When a new convert or a long-time member feels close to the Spirit it’s like they step into a different sphere.  And they know it.  To stay there requires “constant nourishment.”

 

The comparison between food for our bodies and food for our spirits is a good one.  You simply wouldn’t survive if you went days and weeks without food.  Our Spirits are the same.  But there are all kinds of ways to get spiritual nourishment. For instance, I respect people who feel close to Him out in nature and away from stress and day to day pressures.  Anyone can starve their spirituality to death.

[Am I implying that anyone leaving the Church hasn’t fed themselves spiritually?  The implication is there, I admit, but it’s not my purpose.  I’m trying to explain, briefly, what I’ve had to do to maintain my testimony.]

Love,  Mom