Letter to Jared #3

THREE

Our job was to teach you decent values.  Whatever you think of me and Dad—we had them.

I certainly was more Pharisaical than I would have been if Dad had remained active.  I felt like he was at one extreme so I’d better go to the other in order to strike a balance for you all.  Frankly, it’s too bad he didn’t teach you more because he would have comforted you in your youth.  He was very understanding of boys and sympathetic with their natural teenage needs and didn’t take it so seriously.

 

I’m not pretending—I’ve never pretended—that our family didn’t have way too much drama.  I was sure you would all be scarred, so I’m not closing my eyes to anything.  In fact, it’s common for me to focus on the short-comings in life.  But if I stop and think about it on the brighter side, this is what I see:

Our children were born, cared for before their birth.  They were LOVED.  They were fed and vaccinated and taken to the doctor and they had birthday parties and learned how to ride bikes and had Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny and went on family vacations and got signed up for sports.  They entered the science fair and learned how to swim or dance, and their parents went to parent conference. Dad went to work and looked after our cars, our money.  Mom washed clothes and cooked food. Our children were not only loved but respected and appreciated and admired.  They were encouraged and expected to go forward in life (and we rewarded success with bungee jumping or whatever mattered).  They were expected to work, to get an education, to amount to something.  They were taught to be honest and obey laws and to be nice to people. Everything NON-MEMBERS do.

But because we are members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, you got MORE. 

You were taught you were SO IMPORTANT that God was not only mindful of you but was your literal FATHER who LOVES you and wants you to BE LIKE HIM.   You were told that you were SO IMPORTANT that your spirit was sent from a higher sphere by a loving FATHER who wants you to RETURN BACK to HIM.  He loves you enough to have given you God-like, life-giving power so you could learn to be like Him.  He loves you enough to provide counsel and help for you in SCRIPTURES and to welcome you in PRAYER anytime, in happy times or times of fear.  You were taught that the Heavens are opened and GOD WILL TALK TO YOU if you want Him and need Him to.  You were told that families mean everything and we’re bonded together forever and that your GREATEST ROLE in life would be fatherhood.

You were taught that every one of God’s children is EQUALLY important and loved, and the most worthy thing we can do in life is serve and help and lift others.

You were taught by precept and example to avoid drugs and alcohol, and you were spared those complications and the tragedies they create.  You didn’t get anybody pregnant in HS.  Your parents didn’t divorce but were loyal to each other and to you, despite difficulties. 

    

In addition to your parents, you had adults in your life who cared enough to teach you and take you camping and to help you get your Eagle and to watch over you and your welfare—many people who were interested in you and liked you.  These adults who volunteered also taught you, by their examples, about decent manhood. 

You were taught values by them, too—that service and sacrifice matter, that progression in this life is important, that THIS LIFE IS IMPORTANT.  Each life.  YOU and YOUR life.

Furthermore, this all came to you not as some clever new experiment or current, popular trend, but these were teachings with a long-standing HERITAGE—not only historically, but in your personal family.  You have a family heritage of faithful, honorable people you can respect and be proud of.

I'm not even mentioning the music and singing, the experiences, the friends, the confidence-building talks you gave, the snow caves, the teamwork.

That’s what Mormonism provided. If you got a healthy dose of guilt along with it, I don’t feel particularly apologetic.  (Apparently we didn’t teach repentance, the happy doctrine about mistakes washed away.  No more quilt.) We all have to deal with it.

So my children are dismissing all of this in favor of . . . what?  I wonder what it will be. Personally, I was grateful for all of the help I got for my children from programs and from people who cared.

[Note:  All this last part isn’t meant to goad you or bug you.  I think I’m trying to say that these are not shabby teachings and that any young child would benefit from them.]