My Grieving Children

I wrote this during the immediate aftermath of the 2016 Election but didn't post it because feelings were so strong.  Just saw it and am posting now, even though it's after the fact.  Might be useful to you in some future day.  I know you're still hurt by it and it makes me sad for you.                     Love, Mom

Grief is real.  In this case, it was made worse by polls predicting a WIN. People dared to hope and even to celebrate the making of history with our first woman President. It was terrible.  It made the loss immensely more grievous. A dirty trick of Fate.  And the popular vote issue makes it downright maddening.  People have a right to be sorrowful and angry over the process alone.  That's not to mention the person in question--and I try not to mention him.

For me, the shock and fear I felt during the campaigning wasn’t due to his absurd speeches, but his following.  Who WERE these countrymen of mine?!  But as I've tried to make sense of it I think that in the broad field of REP primary candidates, none were standouts.  Consequently, the Showboat Salesman won.  Yes, there were haters among his followers, but many are just gullible people who fall for a sales pitch, or others who are conservative come what may.

 % zazzle.com

Many voters just felt stuck.  It doesn’t follow that anyone who voted for him is racist or sexist or extremist.  People were voting for the lesser of the evils.  That’s why we saw posters like the one on our own street:  “2016 Everybody Sucks.”

At a future day, we will remember these painful days. But we will most likely not measure it by recalling our own pain or the offensive, gloating or infuriating things we saw and heard.  Over-riding those things will be memories of our own conduct. 

Consider this: Anger lowers one's intelligence. It's still you, but with an IQ 30-40 pts. lower. http://cogsci.stackexchange.com/questions/13177/does-anger-lower-a-persons-cognitive-ability  

I had to go to the doctor last week and was told that since he sedated me for a while, I shouldn’t drive or sign papers for at least 12 hours.  Sometimes we just don’t have our wits about us so we should not act.

 

People’s frustration and anguish at this emotional time cannot help the disenfranchised, the marginalized, the fearful.  Excess emotion does not comfort but only multiplies their fear.  Steady as she goes.

  

Speaking out against evil is honorable, but in so emotionally charged a time no one is listening.  No argument helps.  Not one. It’s especially useless among those who WANT an argument.  Give them nothing.  Not a word.

And then, consider the examples being set.  One time Steve, frustrated by two-year-old Zella and her bedtime antics and tantrums, asked me how they could get her to do what they wanted.  I said, “Zella gets it.  She knows you want something and she’s not giving it to you.  But she’s learning about more than bedtime.  She’s learning how grown-ups act when they don’t get what they want.”

My children have learned to be courageous in using social media. They've had to be.  But there is a difference between being brave and being brazen, as in my own case:  Years ago I felt an ongoing frustration with a very inconsiderate neighbor and I finally went over and told her what I thought.  When I came back home, I told Dad what I had done and that now I felt a lot better.  He said, “Sure you do. Everyone always feels better after they throw-up.”  (Had to go back and apologize.)

I love my children more than anything in all the world.   Seeing you as mature adults doesn't lessen my feelings--so when I know you're grieving I'm sad, too.