Hospitality

If we're practicing Mormons, what do we do about serving tea and coffee in our homes?  Shouldn't we be hospitable?

Tea sandwiches featuring creamed cheese. Fancy!

I went back and forth about this, unsure.  My parents very rarely entertained and any guests were usually LDS so I had little chance to learn from them what to do with non-members.  But my grandfather drank coffee and my mother never once provided it for him at our house.

In fact, since Afternoon Teas were a common practice in the 50's, my mother said she would go ahead and accept a cup of hot water and lemon. If they had Postum, she'd prop up the little packet on her saucer so the other ladies could see that she wasn't drinking tea.  At that time, when a Mormon  didn't keep their professed values, the Church was ridiculed.

While living in Alaska, all the Eskimos drank tea, so what was I to do about our baby sitter who came daily while I taught?  I can't remember how we resolved it but I don't remember supplying tea.  She lived next door and could have someone bring it to her was my thought.

While Dad taught seminary we had to be clear. Sometimes we let Indian students stay in our homes, maybe during the summer or after graduation.  When Leo, a big, humble Apache, asked to stay for a few nights we welcomed him.  The first evening he came back to the house with a corsage for me, an unusually thoughtful gesture.  However, he had been drinking. Later I talked to a trusted girlfriend who had grown up with an alcoholic dad, so she was adamant.  "Our home is our castle and there's NO drinking!"  I pointed out that he didn't bring the booze, he was just pretty drunk.  "I don't care," she said emphatically. "Drinking is drinking!"

That gave me some direction.

Mike Andelin gave me more direction in St. George.  We were planning a party and non-members were coming so I told Mike I guessed I needed to serve them coffee.  "Why?!" he said.  I explained my rationale and he said, "It's your party.  You're the hostess.  You serve what you want.  And when you go to their house, they'll do the same."  I've learned since that this works just fine.  When our non-member neighbors come over, I know it's familiar to have a beverage, so I always offer cold juice in summer, herbal tea in winter, but more than that I don't need to do.

At the same time, when visiting in other homes, I used to think it polite to refuse when people offered something, thinking I was being considerate not to consume their supply of food and drink.  (Probably residual from GG cautioning her children not to eat all the cookies when the neighbors offered.)  I learned that I was wrong to snub the offers of my hosts.  Once I figured that out, I've tried to accept almost anytime because it's easy to say, "I am thirsty.  I would love some water."