Teaching Children

What if today’s parent doesn’t want to teach religion?   Well then, what DO they want to teach?  Seriously.

This is EXTREMELY IMPORTANT.  I think some people have the notion that if we suspend moral teaching (religious teaching) and just “be nice,” our children will grow up happy and guilt-free.

The problem is this:  Parents are not in charge of guilt.  Call it conscience.  Call it the Human Spirit.  Call it the Light of Christ.  People have a sense of right and wrong.  True, it can be sculpted and influenced by parents and by culture, but ultimately, GUILT is personal.

For parents to altogether abandon teaching values or to avoid giving a moral base is unkind, to say the least.  It's cruel. Teach something, even if done badly.

My numerous non-Mormon friends were wholesome, virtuous people.  But their parents taught them.  When I see decent, happy couples who are not LDS, it doesn’t mean they grew up like weeds.  Someone taught them.

Language is a good example.  My non-Mormon friends were refined in their language, girls and guys.  We heard some occasional spicey talk, but it wasn't crass.  Controlling our language is not a Mormon thing alone.  It’s world-wide.  I suspect in every culture people have expressions they choose to avoid.  On the Reservation a Navajo friend wept on the phone to me because her drunk husband had said to her in Navajo, “Go to the Devil’s house.”  It was forgivable to say “Go to the devil,” but not what he said.  Joan of Arc' insisted on her soldiers cleaning up their speech if their army was to succeed.  Controlling our speech is one more good way we can practice and teach self-control. It's good for us.  Clean language uplifts listeners; foul talk demeans all.

My friends' families had moral codes about drinking, too.  Kathy was allowed to drink when she turned 21.  Not until.  The law of the land--and her parents’ law in their home.  In our area, the most secure and confident kids were the ones who followed a religious code--the Jewish families, the Italian Catholics.

Teachings of moral values and virtues are historic.

Alexander Pope 1688-1744

“Vice is a monster of so frightful mien
As to be hated needs but to be seen;
Yet seen too oft, familiar with her face,
We first endure, then pity, then embrace.”

An example of non-Mormon teaching:

Peter was 10-12 when we were visiting his sister, my girlfriend Kathy, at their house during my senior year.  In our casual chat, Peter announced that he was going to do such and such.  Roger, older and much taller,  teased and challenged him.  “How come? Why are you doing that!?”  “Because,” said Peter, defending himself. “it’s the rule. (pause.)  It’s MY rule.”

In other words, from his parents Peter had learned integrity, conviction, and moral courage--and ultimately, that the rules we keep need to be personalized.

An example of moral teaching from life:

 While shopping and trying on clothes a few years ago, I could hear a mother and daughter in the next booth.  From their voices I knew they were black.  The mother was quiet but purposeful.  “No, not this one. It doesn’t cover you up.”

An example of values in literature:

Two links to current books on values:

Teaching values today:  http://www.amazon.com/Building-Moral-Intelligence-Essential-Virtues/dp/0787962260

http://www.amazon.com/Childrens-Book-Virtues-William-Bennett/dp/068481353X