"After the trial of your faith comes the witness"

I planned to post about the trials of my faith but I don't really want to. These questions and "trials" have come in constant waves all my life.

However, unlike members today, I didn't feel inclined to discuss my questions. Fortunately, I could complain to my parents, but rarely did I go beyond them. I wasn't hiding and I certainly wasn't ashamed of questioning, but these were my trials, between me and my Heavenly Father.  Furthermore, sharing them seemed hurtful to others.

I'll just name a handful to give a flavor:

Sunday program, c. 1965

1.  During my school years, being a Mormon was weird.  Odd enough that I sometimes avoided mentioning it because I didn't like the looks I got, the reactions.  Along those same lines, most people were shocked that I had four siblings.  I expected success in school, felt approved, and maintained many friendships, so it was awkward and confusing for me to have my Mormon identity viewed as "uncool."  I had to deal with it and stand up to it.

2.  Because of the Word of Wisdom, I was treated with everything from scorn to pity for not being "with it." More than once I felt rude to decline a cup of coffee.  I stayed steady, but I kept my eyes open. When caffeine flared up as an issue, my Bishop asked about it in an interview.and I told him I didn't drink caffeine drinks, but I thought I could get more caffeine from double chocolate brownies at a Fireside than I got from a Pepsi. 

3. Civil Rights took center stage beginning in my school days and continuing into my adult years. The topic was in the headlines and everywhere.  BYU's ball games were boycotted and a small bomb blasted the SLC Temple doors.  I clearly favored equality but felt hypocritical because of the Church's position.  I chafed at the whole issue, including the explanations some members tried to make.

4.  I could write a lot on the topic of human frailties, but I'll just mention that in my young years it was a jolt to learn that Apostles in our day had been excommunicated.  I'll skip the stories about others who proved to be mere mortals. 

5.  Zero-population was a catch phrase.  The angry mood was similar to what we see in current, popular movements today.
   
These examples give a  sampling, but in all cases I had to assess my faith and make my choices.  Most importantly, I had to face inconsistencies, gray areas.  The Gospel was true, but that didn't make it simple.

Despite it all, I felt Heavenly Father's love and I felt the Spirit.  How could I deny?  During all the questioning, my faith and testimony grew.  I have countless examples of profound spiritual experiences or teaching moments.

The spiritual experiences are my cornerstone, but there have been academic bonuses, too.  And they ARE bonuses.  Academic evidence doesn't create faith, but they feel like rewards for faith.  Again, just a few here.

• I wasn't much moved by most efforts to prove the Book of Mormon from archeological digs, but now and then, something would come along as a plus. For example, I loved learning about Stela 5, the bas relief stone that tells the story of Lehi's dream of the Tree of Life.
• I liked learning that Roman historians wrote physical descriptions of Jesus Christ while he lived on the earth.
• The 1973 discovery in Palestine of the archeological remains of the city of Ebla, until then unknown, electrified me. The library of clay tablets unearthed there includes a reference to Melchizedek, King of Salem, and his connection with Abraham.  Melchizedek, mentioned briefly in the Bible, is revered by Mormons because he earned the privilege of having the priesthood named after him. The Ebla discovery substantiates the Mormon view of the man.  (I'm doing this from memory but I think I got it right.)
• I was likewise impressed with the first discovery of chiastic patterns, recognized by a young missionary serving in Regensburg, Germany.